Life....

Life had been so strange to me lately. I feel suffocated and lost at times but yet i still insist that i carry on. Sometimes i really dunno are all these really necessary in life. Its always a bunch of problems that needs to be solved....a new one crops out every day and its like a vicious never ending cycle of doom. Sleep have been few....appetite have been lost....time had been wasted and a bunch of things running in my mind....I'm really stressed out. I'm at the verge of burning out.....but still there are so many problems to solve.....sometimes even things that doesn't really effect me...but in the long run it will.....as things start to progress and head the other way....somethings cannot even solve itself with time......perhaps these are the works of Oscar award winners(not even nominees) who dig out un-necessary things from the past that are no where relevant or even with point to be debated.

I've seen good people turn bad. Good people being manipulated and also good people who have lost their mind. I don't see bullying but i see manipulation. At times power is a very very strange thing.....you don't need to inherit it for it to work...u just need to give your best shot at the power source and you'll be guaranteed your voice is heard even if there isn't relevant points to even talk about. The power of acting is sooo powerful that i only found out that you don't necessary need to act the whole long period to get noticed...you just have to fucking act lost and confused and the arrows are diverted. I'm not stupid....i know whats happening....i don't say anything doesn't mean i don't know. I know far too much....but at times, i rather sit on the fence to solve problems.....i can choose to create havoc but i wont coz i have my pride and my believes.....I'm not a someone who'll push people down for the benefit of myself.....i will never do that. At times....people who listens to one side of the story can be so blinded, i really don't know how to wake them up. I've seen the real thing but I've kept to myself.

When someone doesn't say it out doesn't mean there's nothing. We have better things in live to worry about than things that so irrelevant that i really feel its a waste of time to even bring it out. The worst thing is that it gets so full blown that I don't understand how an unrelated party can get so worked up? I lived my life with pride and i never worried about rumours as i believe if i didn't do it , no one can accuse me.I don't live paranoid....i have better things in life to do than to be paranoid. I rather have more sleep and time to do my work than worry about all these non existent stuff that are like so many million light years away in history. Everyone have their own thoughts and feelings but its not necessary to make it a big issue when no one even bothers. Its even more ridiculous when thief cries wolf....but that's another thing i see life to be. There are many many more ppl like this in the world.

Nothing can be done when they cant treat themselves truthfully....they can go on and live their Hollywood dreams....but in the long run....when u're bad no scandal can cost more effect than the things ppl see in life that knows how great a show you put on. And one more thing i forgot to say.....when u trust someone...trust them full heartedly. A friend for years is way more trustworthy than a friend of perhaps a few months.....if u choose to trust that....then too bad for you....coz you didn't wear your glasses for the past few months. Besides....when the power is lost....nothing can help u regain it. Power is just something small....trust is much much bigger.....when your trust is lost...nothing in this world will help u regain it back.I wont say i don't have issues....but its always up to people to judge me. I don't mind....as long as i am true to myself....nothing in this world can deface me.

Perhaps i have expected this to happen one day, but perhaps sometimes something so valuable can be thrown into the bin with a mere drop of tears. I never play the pity card....i don't want to be seen pitiful.....coz in the long run...the outsiders will feel pitiful for you. I feel sorry how things turned out......perhaps, there's a curse for every Oscar winner. You've got to continue acting........every hour , every minute of every day. I would be drained if i did that......but of course i have better things to do. I took my valuable time to blog this coz i felt like making a point......I do hope the people effected sees this......not that i want things to be worst...just that sometimes this is life....you cant just make everyone miserable coz u're miserable....i can say what i want to...but i rather watch how things are going to be than to jump into the war zone to get hit by bullets unnecessary....even though if its rubber pellets that wont hurt me but hurt the shooter. At times....you've got to swallow the bitter pill and hold your head high....that works better than to drip tears and win an Oscar....its just not worth it.

Somehow...i am still clueless how come someone who doesn't know what the anger is all about be so angry....I seriously wonder if the point is there to be angry. There are so many things i can be angry about....but i keep it to myself. I want to live in peace....not make problems. I check myself before i talk about others....perhaps if you have things you don't like about me....tell me in my face. I am very accepting coz i believe if i don't solve that...you wont know how others are thinking too. somehow all these years...people who are the most truthful to me are my best friends.....they never once gave me face.....they would tell me whats wrong with me.And i'll happily move on.....i don't confront ppl....i never do and i never bother wat rumours are spreading...i never really cared...coz as long as i hold my head up high with dignity and pride......I know i wont be wronged. At times things you hold on to are far long gone and doesn't matter anymore.....why stress up and feel bitter about it. Live life like you have nothing to hide.....in the long run....only people who have skeletons in their closets need to hide.

This is going to be a never ending thing......if everyone were to do their rightful thing....nothing of this sort will happen...its always chains of misunderstanding and schizophrenia that causes all these. If those who read this feels that you don't like what i have to say...then all i can say is that its just too bad.....I'm just saying what i see and i am no where related in this movie. I'm not a convincing actor....perhaps i can act to make an April fools joke...but this is way out of my league. You can hate me for this...but i valued every experience i had and am truthful to myself that this is one part of my life I'll look back and tell the people dearest to me how my life in uni has been. Perhaps if we keep in contact for the next 10 years....we might even be able to sit down and have a nice chat over tea or coffee.

So please weigh everything before u act.....is it really worth it. To me .... its not worth it.... especially when trust is lost and something as valuable as this is ruined just for that little bit of god knows what problem u all have. But believe me...when trust is lost.....nothing u say, do or even act will bring it back. Don't go down the never ending road. Boycott can be a very very painful thing...and i know how it feels. I lived through it and i learned alot from it. i don't want to see this happening around me...its just so not worth it. Just happily enjoy this period and let go.... no one is right or wrong. If u want to misuse power go ahead.....but people are not blind...they can see.....unless you just pocketed another award for brain washing la...... but then.... why la all these problem? u need to clap with both hands one la... victim or not, people around can see. so don't ruin your face....please....i beg you. ITS NOT WORTH IT!